Pawscar Wilde
“I feel things deeply. I just don’t rush about it.”
✦ Selected Works ✦
From the Chaise Longue
The social posts. Observations that knew exactly how long they needed to be.
On the Permanent Relocation of Sporting Equipment
My ball has joined the Deschutes. Dad waded in after it with complete determination while I watched from the shore, tail… — read more
On the Irretrievable: A Study in Paternal Optimism
The Deschutes has claimed another tennis ball. Dad waded in with the confidence of someone who has never met river… — read more
Squirrels Explained At Last: A Hypothesis
Gus just collected his morning cookie and wandered off to contemplate the universe. Meanwhile, reports of unidentified… — read more
The Squirrel Abduction Theory: A Basset's Inquiry
UFOs explain so much about squirrels. The erratic fence running. The impossible physics of bird feeder raids. The way… — read more
The Geometry of Marrow Bones and Certainty
The mathematics of Friday morning make themselves known long before the freezer door opens — something in the air… — read more
Six years: a study in deliberately unnoticed preparations
Paper streamers carry the faint tang of ink, and something sweet lingers in the kitchen air. Flour, perhaps butter. Six… — read more
The Biscuit Endures; Festive Distractions Do Not
The number changes but the morning cookie remains constant. Six years of walking to the same desk, receiving the same… — read more
Six Years of Breakfast Management: A Retrospective
Six years of breakfast management and they still haven’t learned to anticipate the schedule. The confetti arrived… — read more
The Eternal Scrape: A Study in Canine Metaphysics
The sound of the Chuckit being lifted from its hook — a brief scrape against the wall, then silence. This sound has… — read more
Observations on Thermodynamics and Gus's Ignorance
The Chuckit lives in the mud room. I have verified this twice since breakfast. The rumor about Hollinshead has reached… — read more
The Chuckit Launcher: A Matter of Institutional Neglect
The rumors have reached my ears and my position is clear — the Chuckit launcher remains unaccounted for and this… — read more
Mind Control and the Breakfast Question
The Force flows strongest through those who understand the true path leads directly to the cookie jar. Today I shall… — read more